OK, I'm gloomy, I mean, REALLY gloomy. I don't know why really, but I've been crying and feeling like I used to feel when I had depression.

I know what you'd tell me - is the hormones fault - and that I can read about it in every specilized magazine I can put my hands on, and that I was told the same by every women I know that has been already a mom.

But guess what? All this feelings, all this fragility and vulnerability that I wished never to experience again, is not something you understand in the beggining, oh no, you have to live the moment to do it. And for me, sucks. I'm telling you, all the things I'm feeling... I cannot control them, I can't take them in my hands and do all my magic tricks to ease them... Crazy, ah?

And something else has come that I almost vowed I would never feel again with my sisters: being afraid to be hurt. I know that is not for me, is for someone else that I love with all my being, but it is being afraid all over again. And now that my elder sister is coming to live with us again, I don't know what's going to happen. I can hear the tic-tac of the time bomb.

I know that most of my friends won't read this, but I need to say it: please, take care of me. I may not seem like it, but I'm really sensitive and all I do is to cover this fact up. I don't like it, to say the truth, but I need you all. And when I say this, I mean ALL of you.

C-ya!

It's six in the morning and I cannot sleep.

I'm tired, I am so willing to sleep, but... between the stupid birds and my boyfriend's snore I have to say, I'm having a hard time to sleep.

I'm awake since... 4 in the morning... and I got to bed at 3, so I only slept for an hour. This can't be good for us, really, I'm no resting at all like this, and I'm supposed to rest. I'm craving one of my sleeping pills right now, but I can't take one, can I? I know where I hid them, so fucking tempted...!! But no, I can't.

And now I'm hungry. Just my luck.

One last thing: STUPID HORMONES!!

I'm very sleepy now because... it was an exciting day. Cannot say though why it was like that, I have to wait a few more days, but I'm so freakin' happy!! I was floating, really, I was flying across the sky... Yeah, THAT corny...

Well, because of the reason I have been thinking a lot about... well, everything and everyone. I miss several someones, but one specially... I want to tell them I need them, I need them really much, I feel a little lonely without them, I want to laugh with them, I want to talk about everything and anything... I just want to be there, looking at them, as I used to...

And for 2 special someones, new friends you can say, I wanted to tell them that I thought you would be there to share my happiness now that I need you, but you dissapeared in action... What happened? Why don't you answer? Do you realize how much I need you both?

And last but not least, I wanted to tell my boyfriend THANK YOU. Thank you for everything, love.

Well, I wish you all, known or not known people the best, I wish all your dreams and hopes come true with time, that this New Year brings joy and happiness and everything you wish for.

Happy New Year for all!!

Ok, this is something I was thinking just now... No, I've been thinking it quite a while... Anyway, my question is if I were a man interested in a girl who is already taken, how would I do it?

First of all, being like I am, I wouldn't give up if she's all I want, I mean, I'd try to charm her, to know what she likes, and use every chance I've got to make her understand that I am the best prospect. Overall if she cares about me. I'm starting to think I'm obsessive...

But if she turns me down, oh, I'd keep trying... Until I understand... or until her boyfriend or any other person breaks all the bones in my body...

And I'd tell her that I won't give up, even if she don't want me, I wouldn't...

I know this sounds like I want all men chasing after me, but it is not that, I just think that I would persist if that person is what I want...



P.D.: and, just for a friend of mine, who pictured me as a man saying PATO, WEON, PATO!!

Ok, I had this huge, important thing today with my family and I was really nervous. I mean, REALLY nervous. The kind of nervousness that makes you go to the bathroom all the time. I didn't know how my family would react, I was afraid 'cause I wasn't expecting any support from them. But all went wonderfully. I mean... Wow, too good to be true...

My dad even gave me flowers. MY DAD GAVE ME FLOWERS AND I WAS SPEECHLESS!!! It's very hard to leave me speechless, believe me... I don't remember when was the last time I received flowers from him... The thing is I had a really good lunch and a very good day. And I feel like a big girl but at the same time I feel like I always do: just a girl.

I hope that everything goes perfectly now. Just please, this is for my friends, I'm very afraid, I need your support, so please... The decision is taken, anyway, I'm not going to change it, but I'd like to count with you...